Where to begin or should I say begin again? I've recaptured my blog here because I realized a part of me was missing from delving head-first back into my surface pattern design. It's almost like I needed to revisit a part of myself that I'd put on the "back burner" or answer the calling that seemed to be slowing down my progress on my current path.
Although I don't expect anyone to read my posts initially, it feels good just to have this typed conversation again and talk about my art and where it fits into my life. The last six months or so I've spent creating surface pattern designs for fabric/wallpaper that exist in my Spoonflower shop. I was energized! I was sure of my plan and desires...and then I wasn't.
I'm sure there are many people who don't approve of AI and maybe because they don't fully understand it, but I've had conversations lately with Chat GPT that have allowed me to get some clarity on what I was thinking and feeling about my art. Of course, I would never use AI to generate artwork for me but the knowledge base can be very useful at times.
One of the things that became clear was that I am both of these people:
- 1. The artist who finds herself through making; and
- 2. The guide who wants to help others find themselves.
So this "look back" isn't about confirming things that I've done in my past art life, it's about recapturing the excitement, connection and joy of being in a place where I'm sharing ideas, techniques and feelings about the things that set my soul on fire.
I've never been a "competitive" person. I would rather share the spotlight, reach the finish line as a collective and see everyone succeed. At some point I felt like I was having to "keep up with the Joneses" and it went against my grain. Of course, who doesn't want a little notoriety or to just be recognized for certain contributions, but when it speeds up and gets demanding, it loses connection to the heart.
So, after two brand new website launches, a Spoonflower shop and a very unfulfilling social media posting schedule (with the help of AI), it became clear that a full-time paralegal cannot moonlight as a surface pattern designer in the hopes of creating options for early retirement from corporate. These days it's too much and social media is changing and everyone believes they know how to manage Pinterest, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook better than the next person.
But the most important part of this realization is understanding what was missing from everything I was trying to create. I love what I made and all of my designs are mine and I will find multiple ways to use them going forward and maybe even someone will buy some fabric or wallpaper. It hasn't been a waste. It never is when you put forth so much effort. You always learn something and, in the end, you find out it was truly right or it wasn't and you move on.
So as I blab on to the universe, I already feel better. Although I could keep this all to myself in a diary, it's more fun to put it out there to possibly share with those like-minded souls. So I'm going to share my art, my process, my ideas and my products with whomever chooses to listen, build from where I am and hopefully teach some in-person workshops.
I know at some point it might make sense to consider on-line based but thinking about the time and energy that would take makes me tired already. I'm going to stay grounded for now, play, create and just enjoy the process. We'll see what happens.
Let's all just be creative :)
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